Drug Dreams

There is nothing I hate more about getting clean than drug dreams. I have been out of rehab for one week now and I have not had any drug dreams in my recovery house. The energy is clean, it’s new and there is no negative residual energy hanging around. However, when I went home to visit my parents and slept in my old (and very comfortable) Tempurpedic to take a nap, I had one of the most disturbing drug dreams.

In my opinion, all drug dreams are disturbing, but this one in particular actually had me wake up in my dream in a state of panic because I had just used drugs in my dream. I’m still dreaming though, I’m waking up in my dream but still asleep in reality. I thought to myself, “Did I really just do that? I can’t believe I did that! Why would I do that and just throw everything away once again? I thought I was stronger – WTF is wrong with me?” You know, all the notions you go through when you mess up. I thought I was going to be kicked out of my recovery house, and disowned by my family. I thought my addiction had won this battle and ultimately the never-ending war I’m enlisted in.

Listen, when you are in a state of panic in your sleep, it’s a shit show, no lie. It wasn’t until I felt the pain of addiction begin to tear my life apart one more time that I finally woke up for real. At first, I panicked again and looked around to ask myself if I really did do that. Then I looked over and saw my dog sleeping soundly next to me and realized it was all a dream. It was a dream within a dream. For real?

In my waking life, I put on the armor of God every day when I wake up and face the world. I believe that addiction is spiritual warfare at its finest. The devil knows just how priceless our spirits our and will go to any extent to keep us from our destinies.

Our dreams happen in our subconscious minds, and I ask Jesus to make me just as strong in my dreams as he does in my waking life. To be with me in all aspects of my consciousness and permeate my being to be fully integrated with Him and His Word.

The stronger we get in recovery, the weaker the devil gets.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

James 4:7

Not to worry though – God has us covered.

As long as I put my faith in God and keep him first in my life, he will always protect and flourish me.

Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground.

Ephesians 6:13